Just another example of how I am ruining my children

As the second oldest of 6 kids, I noticed a disparity in the strict-ness of my parents between the older kids (like me) and the younger kids. My younger sisters and youngest brother got away with everything! I thought it was pretty crappy that I had to come home earlier, go to bed earlier, keep my room cleaner, wait longer to get my ears pierced, just be a better kid. I never understood the reasons, until now. It is about losing your desire to keep fighting. I have lost it with my kids just as my parents lost it with my younger siblings. I don't want to fight any more.

Take this picture for example.

Here is my youngest of four taking her afternoon nap. Notice two things: first,her binkie, which I know she should not still be using but doggone it she absolutely loves it. If made to choose between me and her binkie, I can not for certain say which she would pick. It would be a close call most days and not even a contest on some (the binkie would win hands down.) I am tired of fighting her to give it up. None of my other kids were allowed to use theirs after about 10 months, yet here she is a 2 1/2 still begging me for it ALL day, every day. And after telling her no 8 times, I give in and let her have it. Second, she is napping on the couch in the kids play room. For the past two weeks, she has demanded that she take her nap on this nasty old couch while watching TV. What kind of a mom lets her 2 year old do this? One who is too tired of the tantrums and tears that go with enforcing a bed-only nap policy.

Well, I have a whole new respect for my parents. I no longer resent the fact that life was so much harder for me than it was for my younger siblings. Now, all I can hope is that some day my older kids will forgive me.